Still Searching

2006-02-20T15:11:00.000-08:00

What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits. -Carl Jung

For me it was writing. Never mind playing outside with the other kids. I'd rather be in the house in the comfort of my long walk in closet, making up all sorts of tales in my head and scribbling them on paper! It started when I learned how to read.It was..I believe in the 3rd grade when a teacher approached my parents suggesting I get into a special ed class- because my reading was not up to par. My parents were like 'hell to the naw!'From that day on I would practice reading out loud daily with my Momma. She got me a little recorder that I would read into and she would play back to me (my friend said that was cruel - I say hell it worked..because I could hear my own voice...It's kinda hard to explain). I fell in love with literature...which birthed my 1st passion - writing.

My next teacher wrote home saying ' ---- has an amazing imagination and is an extraordinary writer at such a young age'. Up until then I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a writer. I am a writer

2006-02-07T16:11:00.000-08:00

"BECAUSE" by TD Jakes

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize
what a gold mine you are,
Doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out
that you can't be topped,
Doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life,
Doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has made this race worthwhile,
Doesn't give you permission to stop running.

Just because no one has realized how much of an awesome woman you are,
Doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level,
Doesn'tmean you have to sink to theirs.

Just because you deserve the very best there is,
Doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king,
Doesn't mean that you're not already a Queen.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now,
Doesn't mean you need to change a thing.

Keep shining, keep running, Keep hoping, and keep praying,Keep being exactly what you are already. COMPLETE!!

Send this on to your female friends who need to keep on doingwhat they do best. BEING A WOMAN OF GOD!!!!

2006-01-30T15:18:00.000-08:00

a lost definition

Defining myself, as opposed to being defined by others, is one of the most difficult challenges I face. - Carol Moseley-Braun (1947-)

It wasn't until recently that I became my own 'worst' critic, and I'm okay with that. I'd rather be defined by my own personal values than be defined by someone else's.

In the past I allowed other people to define who I was and how far I'd go in life. I would often find myself sinking before I even set out to swim. Because I was not confident in my abilities I never ventured out of my 'comfort zone.'

They say a woman is robbed of her self-esteem somewhere between birth and adolence. I'm not sure of exactly when the burglary of my esteem took place, but I know it happened. After years of comming up short changed it was no secret that I had been bamboozled out of my self worth.

When we allow people define our self worth we will always come up short changed.

I believe God put us all on this earth with a preordained destiny. Our purpose in life is to fulfill that destiny. Once we are able to give definition to the devine creature God has designed us to be we are better prepared to fulfill our destiny. I define destiny as being "God's gift." My gift is to write. For years I would write but allow no one to read the words that were written. I was too afraid someone may not like them. It came to me one day that to like or dislike is a matter of personal preference, it is neither right or wrong.

Because I have rekindled a love affair with my Lord and myself I no longer look to other people to define who I am. I know who I am. I know what I am capable of. I know where I came from. I know where I am going. I define who I am. And, I define me as God's child, who is a phenomenal, and a literary gifted Black woman.

Poetically Inclined
-Up Close & Personal

2006-01-25T15:43:00.000-08:00

pulling hairs....

i'm going to do something a little different with this blog and be more personal. yikes! i guess this is supposed to be a good thing??? we'll find out. let me explain - my best friend & i were talking about how i never write any thing personal about myself..if i do it is very vague....

although food for the soul was in part my personal testimony - it wasn't intended to reveal anything about me other than the obvious - it was an essay i'd written a while back to inspire a/a women (esp) and men to explore the joys of writing..for fun or therapy. i kinda missed the mark on the joy part - maybe i will write another one on the joys of writing - who knows????
...any who its not that i don't like me -- i do -- well most - well - part of the time - depending on the day of the week - like myself. its just that ive never liked talking about moi!

SOOOOOOO this entry will be my 1st attempt at being up close & personal...YIKES
hope i don't scare anyone..

here i go....

err hmm - my best friend and i are going to ny! no joke! any one who knows me maybe a little leary about this ny thing - cuz er um in the past ive had some mega issues with err umm commitment -n- stuff but i'm slowy working thru those hang ups. needless to say i am tres excited i i i can't wait! i've never been to ny and i seldom travel outside of my comfort zone...
so this is like a HUGE step for the girl who loves to write and swears that traveling is one of her favorite things to do but is terrified of traveling so she never really goes any where too often!
...and planes??? good lord have mercy on me they scare the bejeezies out of me so i will definetely be sedated...the entire way!!! we bought our tickets on line the other day for a whopping 245 my other home girl said it was too much but i think the price was right well worht it! our itenerary is jammed packed with fun stuff...i will be seeing my 1st play on broad way
'The Color Purple' yippee...i'll post my itenerary later perhaps as the day draws nearer...
any who we are going in june 15-18th.... never know this may be the begining of the life of travel i've always dreamt of having!!!

whew..that wasn't too too painful!! maybe next time i will have more to say..until then...holla

Poetically Inclined -- up close & personal...

2006-01-25T14:42:00.000-08:00

food for the soul part II ....

I write, and sometimes I scribble thoughts into words uncomprehensible, all in the order they were received---with the exact desperation of the feelings and overwhelm of the emotions that inflicted my body --- as they entered my brain giving me the need to write them.

I write for my health, and for the very sake of my sanity.
When no one else cares God cares, and you know what my pen and pad care too!
I can go to them whenever I need to vent, and they don’t talk back or make me feel guilty for feeling the way I feel.
My pen and pad are my sounding board – for these bottled up emotions -- for these words that I feel and I want to express but fear that I shouldn’t, that threaten to drip from my tongue and escape my lips. Words that if said out loud may not come out right, they may offend because they are sometimes graphic in nature, sometimes not so politically correct, words that are shy around people, words that are like my short temper eager to have the final word. You see my pen and my pad allow me to express my self in a constructive, positive and less restrictive way. It is with great deliberateness I allow my feelings to escape as I write them down, allowing myself to be free. Suddenly after I’ve written for so long and passionately that my fingers become arthritic I am able to cope.

2006-01-16T13:36:00.000-08:00

A Dedication to My Heritage

_____________________________________________________

My favorite quote by Dr. King reads:

'We must use time creatively- and forever realize that the time is always hope to do great things.'

_____________________________________________________

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929-1968

Dr. King fought for our civil liberties and justice for all. He was our leader and our hope in our time of need. Dr. King's legacy will live for ever! We must never forget the trials and tribulations Dr. King and his followers were dealt in order to win freedom and liberty for all! In ATX we celebrate MLK Day by marching. Our march commences at the MLK Statue at UT down to our Capitol and from the capitol to Histon-Tillotson University a historically Black College in ATX. It is truly a reviving experience to walk hand in hand along side of friends, family and coworkers of all races and nationalities to recognize the impact that a great leader made in our history. It is truly a picturesque moment Dr. King would be proud of! May his legacy live in our hearts always!

This is truly phenomenal what more can I say!?

MONROVIA, Liberia - Ellen Johnson Sirleaf was sworn in Monday as the new president of Liberia. This is clearly a moment in history as Sirleaf is Africa's 1st elected female president! Sirleaf will hold office for six-years. I'm sure many challenges are in store for Sirleaf being a woman and the head of a nation, so my prayers go out to her. May God, watch over and protect & guide her thoughts and actions. http://www.msnbc.msn.com

A misconstrued message -

...Nevertheless noteworthy from an honorable Man

Morgan Freeman (who happens to be my favorite actor of all times) had it right during a recent interview on 60 minutes with Mike Wallace when he said "I don't want a Black History month, Black History is American History." For those who misconstrued his message, or only listened to part of his spiel, he was saying this: We should be celebrating our history EVERY DAY not just once a year. Not sure how else I can put this.

http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/60 minutes/main3415.shtml

2006-01-11T16:27:00.000-08:00

The Danger of Giving up too Soon

By: Bishop T. D. Jakes, Special to BlackAmericaWeb.com

Growing up, many of us heard this phrase from our parents, grandparents and teachers: "Never give up!" While many people believe in this theory, they often fail to demonstrate it in their lives.

In this "instant" age we live in today, people are no longer interested in process. We want to get to the bottom line quick! We’re into fast foods, online prescription refills, speed dial and DSL. Even the cell phones we use are designed to accommodate quick responses to everything. We use to stop by the pay phone to place a call, now we use cell phones to take pictures, download music, read e-mail and the like, you get the point.

It is often in the very process of achieving the goals we desire in life that we quit prematurely. However, the danger in giving up too soon is that we never arrive at the place God has predestined us to be. For example, we want a marriage that will last forever, but we can’t survive the storms. We want to lose fifty pounds, but we don’t want to exercise. We want a degree, but we don’t want to go back to school. Somewhere it has to end!

Many people who are constantly challenged by failure seldom realize that it is their own fault. They sabotage their circumstances because of their attitude toward life. Often they are bitter about something that happened that they never got over.

Too many people buy into the myth that life is over when they’ve been dealt a bad hand. But the truth is someone else could take the very hand you’ve been dealt, and win with it! The same man you’re thinking about leaving, the same woman you’re cheating on, the same job you’ve threatened to leave a thousand times someone could take these same circumstances and make it work.

You’d be amazed by the number of people who have the potential to do great things, but their hearts are contaminated with bitterness. Unfortunately, they allow the past to bleed into their present and pollute their future.

It’s much easier to see the bitterness in the people around you, but it could very well have happened to you without you knowing it. Some people cover up the bitterness they hold by saying things like, "I’m not bitter, I’m careful." "I’m not angry, I’m ready." But until you call it what it is, you can never be free from it.

When Mary and Martha called Jesus to come see about their brother Lazarus, it took Him a while to get there. In fact, Jesus stopped along the way to address the concerns of other people, while on the way. When He finally arrived, rather than thanking Him for coming, one of the sisters said, "Lord if you had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died." They blamed Him and were bitter.

Like many of us, Mary and Martha failed to realize that God can resurrect anything. Just because life places you on pause, doesn’t mean you have to stay there. Just as Lazarus was resurrected, God can resurrect the situations you’ve given up on. And no matter how old you are, He promises to make your latter years greater than your past if you ask. Decide today to pursue your dreams at all cost. God has a blessing for you, a supernatural release that will push you into the great future, you desire. Remember, never give up! The best is yet to come.

This excerpt was taken from the series entitled The Favor Factor

http://www.blackamericaweb.com

2006-01-05T20:42:00.000-08:00

the thing about formal introductions...

the thing about formal introductions?

they are superficial.

you never get to experience the true essence

of a person when they are wearing a mask.

the thing about the mask?

sometimes people wear them for so long they forget to take them off....

that's scarey as hell especially when you think you know someone (perhaps your whole life)..

only to find out you don't know them at all.

2006-01-04T18:15:00.000-08:00

food for the soul part I
All my coworkers tease me “Girl, what is you writing? You always over there writing something!” My reply, “Writing keeps me sane.”
Sure enough I turned one of my coworkers onto this self-therapeutic writing, now she’s at her desk scribbling a mile a minute in her new note pad. She’s like me and feels journal’s are too prim, and formal. Give me a wire bound notebook and I am in heaven! Writing helped her cope during her divorce from a man she was married to for 13 years!

It is with a pen and paper that I find peace, as I transcribe my most intimate, unedited, and unfiltered thoughts and emotions into words. There are no advisory warnings “Explicit Lyrics” here.
There’s no ghastly “ooos and awes” at my lack of political correctness. There’s no one to turn up their prudent nose because my words aren’t pleasing to their eyes or ears. Sometimes my words aren’t pretty, but such is life. Sometimes my thoughts linger on like run on sentences, same as the words that I write. There’s no marking from red ink pens or exaltations at my careless flow. My pad is my safe haven and my pen feeds it eagerly without inhibition or boundaries. With my pen and pad I am a reckless word mongrel writing any thing and everything that I chose for no other reason than I can. And, I do because it makes me feel real good to release.